Hey there. It’s me. The optimist. The jokester. The clown. The “ladies man”. The nice guy. It’s Bolin.
So…there’s not a whole lot to say as of now. My brother is out in the city, being all mister official. Not gonna lie, I was jealous in the beginning that he scored such a career. I kept asking myself why he gets to be the cop. But then I remembered. I’m just Bolin. I wouldn’t be serious enough to handle such a duty. I would be the joke of the whole force. There was nothing left to do but shrug my shoulders and move on.
The Fire Ferrets team is not at all what it used to be. There are no decent suitors for the firebender and waterbender positions. I’ve had to politely decline quite a few people so far. I’ve even gone to such lengths as to trying to get in contact with Hasook again. No such luck. Probending is yet another addition to my list of what I’ve had to give up.
I assume you know by now what I’m getting at. I’ve kept quiet for months now. To be honest, I just haven’t had the balls to confront Mako on the matter. The subject of Korra.
I won’t deny the fact that they love each other. I just get sad all over again when I think about what could have been. If Mako wasn’t there to steal her heart. More romantic dates, trips around the city, laughing at nothing. Me being comfortable in my own skin. What I admired most about Korra was that she accepted me for who I am. I didn’t feel any pressure to put on a false front. I don’t know if I could find that in anyone else.
Now, when I see Korra every so often, I can’t help but be a bit standoffish. I try to be “just friends” with her, but it is just so difficult to accept how that is all we would ever be. Just friends.
It doesn’t help that she has become even more attractive recently. I guess I have a thing for women with power. Korra is honestly the most stunning girl I’ve ever had the pleasure and displeasure to know. I had the biggest hunch that she was special. At first sight. I will never forget that evening. She stopped me right in my tracks. Took my breath right away. My palms were sweating. I hoped that she didn’t notice how nervous I was. It was such an effort to play it cool. But all the effort went to waste. I could tell she already had an eye for Mako, right when I introduced her. It was my dream to change that. I guess some dreams aren’t meant to be true.
Every now and again, when I have trouble sleeping, my secret fantasies of her replay in my mind. I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t get off to them sometimes. The next day, I can feel my face get red when I see her.
I have so much guilt thinking about Korra in such a way. I’m betraying the guy who took care of me when I had no one else in the world. Mako. It’s true that he did kind of betray me first, but who am I kidding? Korra never saw me in the same light that I see her. I’m just Bolin now.
So what lies ahead for me? I’m not too sure. Life in Republic City is too unpredictable. What I am sure about, with no doubt in my heart, is that Korra may be the most extraordinary person in the world. Avatar or not. It’s sad, but I don’t know if I would ever feel so undeniably infatuated with anyone again. Not just because of looks or power. No. Because for once, though it was a brief moment on the scale of time, I was more than just Bolin.